Dating Signals

The trick to sucessful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these key "signs."

  1. Woman won't unlock car door for man. - Doesn't engage in oral sex.
  2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman. - No foreplay.
  3. Can't hail a cab. - impotent.
  4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. - prefers virgins.
  5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way. - Is a virgin.
  6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. - Compulsive Don Juan.
  7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif. - Compulsive Don Quixote.
  8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. - Compulsive Don Ho.
  9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant. - will swallow.
  10. Wants to go to a deli. - Won't swallow.
  11. Uses Sweet n' Low. - Wearing falsies.
  12. Takes too long deciding what to order.- Has trouble reaching orgasm.
  13. Orders salad dressing on the side. - Will give you a hand job but will not go "all the way."
  14. Gives explicit orders to waiter.- Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed.
  15. Asks for extra rolls. - Will say she's using birth control when when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.
  16. Insists on ordering for you, refering to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.
  17. Asks for "the usual" - Insists on missionary position only.
  18. Asks what the specials are. - Will want you to use handcuffs.
  19. Fills up on bread and crackers. - Premature ejaculator.
  20. Doesn't finish everything on plate. - Has already come.
  21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered. - Will make you sleep on wet spot.
  22. Changes mind after ordering. - Will never call you.
  23. Changes tables. - Nyphomaniac.
  24. Drinks decaf. - Fakes orgasms (female).
  25. Orders in French. - Fakes orgasms (male).
  26. Sends food back. - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money.
  27. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts. - Needs you to talk dirty during sex.
  28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. - Wants a handjob.
  29. Orders a dessert involving nuts. - Castrating bitch.
  30. Wants to split dessert. - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters.
  31. Credit card is refused. - Low sperm count.
  32. Undertips waiter. - Small penis.
  33. Undertips parking valet. - Small penis.
  34. Undertips cabbie. - Small penis.
  35. Uses toothpick. - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.